I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
