Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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