I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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