I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
