I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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