I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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