Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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