Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
