not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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