No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
