I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have aggressive nipples.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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