Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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