I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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