yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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