Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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