Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
