Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
