Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
