guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
