im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
