Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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