so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
