i think i have two assholes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
