I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
