help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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