Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
