I'm really into asian looking animals
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
