we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your penis caused this!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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