Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
