So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
