turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
