Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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