i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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