Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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