I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
