I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
