Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
