I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The uberlube is also flammable
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
