I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
