I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ok first of all what the fuck
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