I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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