4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He passed out mid-signature
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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