Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
