My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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