omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
