At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
