My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
