I look better un-naked...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
