I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
