i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
