people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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