So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
