Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
