How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
