Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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