He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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