He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
