I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
