i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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