i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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