Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
