i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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