She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
