NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
