I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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