dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just pee around me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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