Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
